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Monday, April 4, 2011

Mean Mama Monday

Today I am a mean Mama because I expect my 8 yr old to not act like a 4 yr old.
Holy moly, I don't know what has gotten into Riley lately. His attitude STINKS! He is SO emotional and cries and the drop of a dime. Anyone who knows me knows I over think everything so of course I already have him booked in with a shrink.(not really) I have however been finding myself wondering if it has anything to do with his biological father (you can read here about the sperm donor).
Riley is not a talker. (doesn't take after his Mama!) When asked a question I can guarantee you the answer will be "yes, no, or I dunno". Lately though he has been making comments about "J". He wonders why he doesn't send him anything for his birthday/Christmas, or call him. The other day he said "I wonder when I am going to get the Wii that "J" told me he was going to buy me when I turned 6" (he just turned 8). When I try to talk to him about it he just doesn't care to listen. I think (the over thinker I am) that he must feel a little hurt thinking his "real" father doesn't like him. Like I have said before, Prince Charming is the only Daddy Riley has ever known but he does remember bits and pieces of "J". He does know that "J" is the one who made him in Mama's belly. He even asked Prince Charming 1 night if he was his step father. (UGH)
As much as I would like to tell Riley how awful of a guy his "real" father is, I have chosen to sugarcoat, until he is a little bit older.  I chose this not to protect the deadbeat but to protect my little boy's feelings. I tell him "J" lives far away and it costs lots of money for him to call...I tell him he just didn't know how to be a Daddy so God gave him a new one....I pretty much make up excuses for all of "J's" wrong doings (I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I CAN TELL RILEY EXACTLY HOW BIG OF A SCUMBAG HE IS.)
Maybe this is typical 8 yr old behaviour? Maybe I truly am over thinking this. All I know is Prince Charming and I are losing our minds. I thought we escaped all this drama when we had boys but I guess I was wrong!
I am hoping it is a phase and it ends real soon!

I wonder if I can find this in a size 7?

3 comments:

Brooke said...

:( this is a very sad situation. Im very happy that you are so blessed to have prince charming in yours, and riley's lives. Its unfortunate that his "sperm donor" is missing out on what im sure is a great kid. I ( as a mom to 2) both boys.. ( both way too emotional for their own good) I would say its likely him dealing with the confusion of things with his real father. Maybe talking to a shrink might help. Maybe he will tell them things that he isnt comfortable telling you or prince charming. He is likely worried about hurting yours or prince charmings feelings. Because he probably loves Prince charming very very much as a daddy :D But just has some questions about sperm donor. Good luck. And remember god NEVER gives you more than you can handle.And when you get through this rough patch with your son, youll be ready for any with the others :D

Anonymous said...

I was given this advice when my children's "sperm donor" walked out of their life...........

"It's ok to tell little white lies (or as you say sugar coat) the missing parent. What is not ok is to give "your" opinion of...or ever let your child hear through casual conversation with someone else your opinion or negative happenings of that parent. ALWAYS remember that a child considers themself to be part of both their parents, and if they hear negative about one they usually turn that toward themself and start thinking that's how people see them.
When the child becomes an adult they will(with their own eyes and opinions) determine whether this person is someone that's worthy of having in their life.
For the time being it's best to ALWAYS make sure the child has special one on one time with you(chances are they feel "the odd guy out" sometimes), and to make sure they are encouraged and praised every day for the blessing they are! They did not ask to be born into something that did not work out and in no way should it ever stand in the way of their being everything they deserve.
And if there ever comes a day that the sperm donor appears back with an interest for the child (and this is the hard part), step aside and let it happen because that is what every child craves is to be loved by both of their parents.......and you never know really what the reasons were(and yes, there was a reason) that this person did not know how to be a parent............time & circumstances can change people and what a wonderful thing it would be if that happened."


And that's the advice I followed...not always easy and many times through clenched teeth, but in the end my "children" are fine. The 'wonderful thing' did not happen in our case, but they did see as adults for themselves and were more mature at that age to deal with the negative.
Wishing your child a life of peace, surrounded by loving family and friends!

MeanestMotherInTheWorld said...

Thanks for the comments girls :)
I can't see Riley feeling like he is part of "J" as "J" walked out on us when riley was only 4 months old and then only seen him a handful of times after. He calls him by his 1st name and does not consider him AT all his father. At this point if "J" was ever to want contact with riley I would not allow it. Maybe when he is older but he is not going to come and go as he pleases when it comes to Riley.
Thanks so much for the kind words :)

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