CLICK HERE FOR FREE BLOG LAYOUTS, LINK BUTTONS AND MORE! »

Total Pageviews

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Withdrawal?

Why am I so emotional?


Gee whiz, you would think I am a crack addict trying to get clean. This is ridiculous. Am I that addicted to food?
Last night we had a ladies meeting at the church. There were cookies & a big huge fruit tray. I had a green tea. This made me cranky for the rest of the night. I came home, Prince Charming left for hockey & I cried. I was so hungry (so I thought) I just wanted to eat everything. After resisting chips this afternoon (I had the bag in my hand people!) and fruit tonight (yes I know fruit is good for you but during the 1st 17 days you are cleansing and cannot have fruit after 2 PM ) I was ready to give up. I was mad. All I kept thinking was "God, why on earth did you make me fat...why couldn't I be skinny...why can't I be one of those girls who stuff their face with whatever and still be a size 5...." This wallowing in self-pity crap went on for about an hour. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs but didn't....I am pretty sure the neighbor would have called 911.
After talking to Mom and her telling me "You can do this Kris, look at the results you have already seen, the next 17 days will be so much easier." I decided to just go chill out in the tub for a bit. When I got out I was not the least bit hungry (soap really doesn't taste that bad....J/K :)
Hello, my name is Kristy & I am an emotional eater. I was angry and I just wanted to eat. My mood changed and the "if I don't eat I am going to pass out and maybe die"  feeling went away.
This is not going to be easy but I am determined not to feel like I should be grazing in a pasture rather than sunbathing at the beach this summer. In saying this I am not saying that overweight people are cows (or horses, or whatever else grazes in a pasture) OR disgusting. PLEASE don't take offense. I am just stating how I feel, and how I have felt for the last 5 or more years. I can't remember ever feeling comfortable in a bathing suit and this is why I am putting myself through this hell. I know I will never wear a bikini...after growing 3 people, my belly is not something I want to show off, skinny or not! I am just sick and tired of hating my body. I know it will never be perfect. Even "pre-baby" I didn't have a "hot bod" (I would like to think it was a little "hotter" than it is these days). But I DO know after I lose these 30-40 lbs I will feel so much better about myself.
Sorry for the rant. I am not going to pretend this diet is so easy and I love it because right now I don't. But I DO know the results are going to be totally worth it, and if I can make it past these 17 days, greater things are coming....like extra lean hamburg!!

1 comments:

angiegoudey said...

your too funny, and scaring me from this diet! LOL

Post a Comment