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Thursday, January 13, 2011

The "D Word"

I was just shy of 22 when my parents decided to get a divorce. Riley was just 4 months old and I had just recently gained the title of "Single Mother."

I remember thinking in high school that I was SO lucky to have parents that were still married. It seemed like alot of my friends came from a "split family." I never thought in a million years I would.
It didn't seem real to me until that Christmas. I can honestly say that Christmas of 2003 was the worst one of my life thus far. We were all an emotional wreck, some of us showed it more than others.
It was a pretty low time for all of us but we managed to get through it. Get over it? Maybe not so much. (I am speaking for myself) I am almost 30 and it still sucks. It still is awkward. I HATE making a big supper and not being able to invite BOTH of my parents....or birthday parties for the boys where only 1 Grandparent is there. Every holiday when we are gathered as a family it STILL feels like there is someone missing.
I love my parents and I don't blame either one more than the other for the divorce. I don't blame ANYBODY.
Since then they have both found someone else to share their life with. I now have a step-father who takes the kids on to be his own grandchildren and is always around to lend a helping hand.
My Dad has a special woman in his life with 2 sweet daughters. My goal this year is to establish a better relationship with her than what we have had. It has never been "bad" but never really been good. For some reason it's harder to accept a new woman in my Dad's life that it was to accept a new man in Mom's.
Weird??  I want the boys to have a better relationship with their Papa & in order for this to happen I need to make some changes.
It makes me sad that the kids have never known "Nana & Papa" as a couple. I try and explain to them that Mama, Tauntie, Unkie, Nana & Papa used to live in one house but they don't really get it.
Divorce sucks. I wonder if it is harder on older children than young children?
I hope and pray that my children will never have to see their Mom & Dad go their separate ways. I am not going to be naive to say it could never happen but I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your bloggin' hunny.
mama

Anonymous said...

Why would it be harder on older children than young children?
I was in grade 4 when my parents split. Its still upsetting and weird, but i think im ok with it. Besides the fact that my mom has a boyfriend and dad has a girlfriend, i actually kind of hate it, but i guess i need to grow up and accept it. I need to stop thinking of myself and think how they feel

MeanestMotherInTheWorld said...

Dear "Anonymous",
Young children are more resiliant than
older children" or adults. They seem to adjust better to change. It has nothing to do with "growing up"...I am sure at 60 I will still feel the same way. I am in no way trying to sabotage their relationships so therefore am not "thinking of myself" ;)

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